There is something I have been thinking about a lot this year, and honestly, it is something that has been sitting in the back of my mind for quite some time. Friendship is hard.
Not just making friends. Not just keeping friends. Not just finding people you click with. The entire process of having friendships as an adult can be surprisingly difficult, and 2026 has made that reality particularly obvious to me.
So far this year, I have lost multiple friends.
Some of those friendships were friendships I had in real life. Others existed primarily or entirely online. Some ended because of disagreements. Some changed because people simply grew apart. Some became complicated for reasons that are difficult to explain in a single sentence. And some friendships just seemed to reach their natural ending.
That is one of the strange things about friendship. There does not always have to be one giant dramatic event that destroys it.
Sometimes people just stop talking.
Sometimes life gets busy.
Sometimes priorities change.
Sometimes one person realizes that the friendship is no longer healthy for them.
Sometimes both people are simply moving in different directions.
And sometimes, despite how much you might care about somebody, you realize that caring about them does not necessarily mean that you are supposed to remain friends forever.
I think that is something we do not talk about enough.
We talk constantly about romantic relationships ending. We talk about breakups. We talk about divorces. We talk about losing somebody we love romantically. But friendships can end too, and sometimes those endings can hurt just as much.
There is a particular kind of sadness that comes from realizing that somebody who was once a regular part of your life is no longer going to be.
Maybe you used to message them every day.
Maybe you used to hang out every weekend.
Maybe you could talk to them about absolutely anything.
Maybe you shared years of memories together.
And then, somehow, you end up becoming strangers.
That can be difficult to process.
And I think adulthood makes the entire thing considerably harder.
When you are a kid, friendship can be incredibly simple.
You go to school.
You sit next to somebody.
You discover that you like the same cartoon, video game, band, sport, book, or whatever else kids are into.
You hang out.
Congratulations. You have a new friend.
Your lives naturally overlap because you are literally placed in the same environment for hours every day.
As you get older, that changes.
You graduate.
You go to college.
People move.
People get jobs.
People get married.
People have children.
People relocate.
People start businesses.
People develop new interests.
People become consumed by responsibilities.
And suddenly, maintaining a friendship requires actual effort.
That sounds obvious, but I do not think we appreciate just how much effort it can take.
As an adult, you cannot always simply walk outside and find a group of people who are available to hang out.
You have to coordinate schedules.
You have to figure out transportation.
You have to find somewhere to go.
You have to work around people’s jobs.
You have to work around people’s families.
You have to work around people’s other friendships.
You have to work around people’s responsibilities.
And sometimes, after all of that coordination, everyone is so exhausted that nobody actually wants to go anywhere.
That last part is especially important.
Because adulthood is exhausting.
For those of us who work full time, there is a weird irony to the entire concept of having a social life.
You work all day because you need money to survive.
You spend hours doing whatever your job requires.
You commute.
You deal with coworkers.
You deal with deadlines.
You deal with responsibilities.
You come home.
And then you are supposed to have enough energy left over to socialize.
Sometimes you do.
Sometimes you absolutely do not.
There are days when the idea of going out and being around people sounds wonderful.
And then there are days when the idea of putting on clothes, leaving the house, traveling somewhere, interacting with people, and eventually traveling back home sounds like an exhausting second shift.
It is not necessarily that you do not want to see your friends.
You may actually really want to see them.
You are just tired.
And there is an important difference between those two things.
I think sometimes people interpret a lack of availability as a lack of care.
“You never want to hang out.”
“You never message me.”
“You have been distant.”
“Do you even care about this friendship anymore?”
Sometimes the answer is yes.
Yes, I care.
Yes, I want to see you.
Yes, I value you.
I am just fucking exhausted.
That is one of the hardest realities of adulthood.
You can love people and still not have enough time or energy for them.
And that does not necessarily mean the friendship is meaningless.
It means you are human.
There are only so many hours in a day.
If you work eight or nine hours, commute for another amount of time, take care of your household, handle errands, deal with personal responsibilities, attempt to pursue hobbies, maintain some semblance of physical and mental rest, and maybe try to have some alone time, eventually something has to give.
And unfortunately, socializing can become one of those things.
That is particularly frustrating because friendships require consistency.
You cannot maintain most friendships exclusively through the occasional “Hey, how are you?” message every six months.
Friendships need interaction.
They need conversation.
They need shared experiences.
They need some degree of emotional investment.
They need both people to show up.
But what happens when both people are exhausted?
What happens when both people have demanding jobs?
What happens when both people have completely different schedules?
What happens when one person works nights and the other works days?
What happens when one person lives an hour away?
What happens when somebody moves?
What happens when life simply becomes overwhelming?
The friendship can slowly become something that exists primarily in memory.
And that is sad.
I think that is part of why losing friends in adulthood can feel so strange.
You are not necessarily fighting with somebody.
You are not necessarily angry.
You may not even dislike them.
You simply realize that the friendship you once had is no longer functioning the way it used to.
And there is not always an obvious solution.
You cannot force somebody to have time for you.
You cannot force somebody to communicate.
You cannot force somebody to remain interested in the friendship.
And you cannot force yourself to have unlimited energy either.
That last part is something I have had to remind myself of.
I cannot be everything to everyone.
I cannot maintain every friendship I have ever had.
I cannot keep every person who has entered my life permanently.
And neither can anybody else.
People change.
I change.
You change.
The person you met five years ago may not be the same person they are today.
And I certainly am not the same person I was five years ago.
Sometimes that means friendships evolve with us.
Sometimes they become stronger.
Sometimes they become different.
Sometimes people who were once acquaintances become incredibly close.
And sometimes people who were once incredibly close become acquaintances.
That does not erase what the friendship meant.
I think we sometimes make the mistake of believing that if a friendship ends, then the entire friendship was somehow fake.
I do not believe that.
A friendship can be real and still end.
A person can genuinely matter to you and still eventually leave your life.
The memories can still matter.
The conversations can still matter.
The experiences can still matter.
The friendship does not become meaningless simply because it did not last forever.
That is something I am trying to accept.
Because losing multiple friends in the same year can make you question yourself.
You start wondering whether something is wrong with you.
Did I do something?
Was I a bad friend?
Could I have handled things differently?
Should I have reached out more?
Should I have been more patient?
Should I have communicated better?
Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes there are things I could have done differently. I am not going to pretend I have been a perfect friend throughout my entire life.
I have fucked up.
I have misunderstood people.
I have been stubborn.
I have been busy.
I have failed to communicate.
I have allowed friendships to drift.
I have probably hurt people without intending to.
That is part of being human.
But I also have to recognize that not every friendship ending is my fault.
Sometimes two people simply reach a point where the relationship no longer works.
And that can be painful without being anybody’s fault.
The online aspect of friendship makes this even more complicated.
The internet has given us the ability to meet people we would have never encountered otherwise.
That is an incredible thing.
Someone can live hundreds or thousands of miles away and become part of your daily life.
You can meet somebody through a shared interest.
You can bond over music.
You can talk about politics.
You can discuss movies.
You can share your writing.
You can collaborate creatively.
You can play games together.
You can simply talk about life.
And eventually, someone who technically lives on the other side of the country—or even the world—can become somebody you consider a genuine friend.
But online friendships can also disappear incredibly quickly.
One day you are talking constantly.
The next day, nothing.
Maybe somebody deletes their account.
Maybe they stop using a platform.
Maybe they become busy.
Maybe there is an argument.
Maybe they block you.
Maybe you simply stop responding to one another.
And because the internet makes communication so easy, it can sometimes make the disappearance feel even stranger.
The person is technically only a message away.
But they may as well be on another planet.
You can see that they are online.
You can see their posts.
You can see them interacting with other people.
And yet the friendship you once had with them is gone.
That can hurt.
I think one of the biggest lessons I am learning this year is that friendships require grace.
We have to give people room to be human.
We have to recognize that everybody has their own life happening behind the screen.
Everybody has problems we may not know about.
Everybody gets tired.
Everybody gets overwhelmed.
Everybody changes.
And sometimes people simply need space.
At the same time, friendship cannot be completely one-sided.
There has to be some reciprocity.
If you are always the one reaching out, always the one initiating conversations, always the one making plans, always the one checking in, eventually you are going to wonder whether the other person actually wants the friendship.
And that is another painful realization.
Sometimes you have to stop chasing people.
Not because you suddenly stopped caring.
But because you deserve friendships where the effort goes both ways.
I think that is especially important as an adult.
Our time is limited.
Our energy is limited.
Our emotional bandwidth is limited.
We cannot spend all of it trying to convince people to remain in our lives.
We have to leave room for people who actually want to be there.
And maybe that is where I am ultimately trying to get with all of this.
I do not want to become cynical about friendship.
I do not want to reach a point where I think making friends is pointless because friendships eventually end.
I do not want to stop caring about people because caring means that eventually I might get hurt.
I would rather continue trying.
Because despite everything, friendship is still one of the most beautiful parts of being human.
There is something incredible about finding somebody who understands you.
There is something incredible about having somebody you can call when something ridiculous happens.
There is something incredible about laughing until your stomach hurts over something that would make absolutely no sense to anyone else.
There is something incredible about having somebody remember a tiny detail you mentioned months ago.
There is something incredible about knowing that someone genuinely wants to hear how your day went.
Those moments matter.
Even if the friendship eventually changes.
Even if the friendship eventually ends.
Even if people eventually go their separate ways.
They matter.
And I think that is why losing multiple friends this year has affected me.
It reminds me that friendships are not guaranteed.
None of them are.
Not the friendship you have had for ten years.
Not the friendship you made last month.
Not the person you met online.
Not the person you grew up with.
Not the person you thought would always be there.
Life changes.
People change.
Circumstances change.
And sometimes relationships cannot survive those changes.
But that does not mean we should stop trying to connect with people.
If anything, it makes the friendships that survive even more meaningful.
Because maintaining a friendship as an adult is not always easy.
It takes intention.
It takes patience.
It takes communication.
It takes forgiveness.
It takes understanding.
It takes effort.
And sometimes it takes accepting that your friend might disappear for a few days because life is kicking their ass, just as yours might be kicking yours.
Maybe they are not ignoring you.
Maybe they are simply exhausted.
Maybe they are dealing with something.
Maybe they need some time alone.
And sometimes you are going to be that person too.
The important thing is making sure that when you do have the energy, you show up.
Send the message.
Make the call.
Ask how somebody is doing.
Invite them somewhere.
Tell them that you appreciate them.
Do not assume they know.
Because one of the cruelest things about life is that we often realize how much somebody meant to us only after they are no longer part of our lives.
So yes, 2026 has already taken some friendships away from me.
And I would be lying if I said that did not hurt.
It does.
But I am also trying to look at it as part of growing older.
Not every person is meant to walk beside us forever.
Some people are there for a chapter.
Some people are there for several chapters.
And maybe, if we are lucky, some people stick around for the entire damn book.
I still want those people.
I still want genuine friendships.
I still want people I can laugh with, argue with, talk with, create with, and simply exist around without having to pretend to be somebody I am not.
But I also understand now that maintaining friendships as an adult is not easy.
Especially when you work full time.
Especially when you are exhausted.
Especially when everybody else is exhausted too.
Sometimes we barely have enough time to take care of ourselves, let alone maintain a thriving social life.
And maybe we need to stop treating that reality as some kind of personal failure.
Maybe adulthood simply requires us to rethink what friendship looks like.
Maybe friendship does not always mean talking every single day.
Maybe it means knowing that you can disappear into life for a little while and still come back.
Maybe it means understanding that your friend has responsibilities.
Maybe it means sending a random message after three weeks and saying, “Holy shit, I’m alive. How are you?”
Maybe it means meeting once a month instead of every weekend.
Maybe it means sitting in somebody’s living room doing absolutely nothing because neither of you has the energy to go anywhere.
Maybe it means sending memes at two in the morning.
Maybe it means simply knowing that somebody is still there.
I do not have some grand solution to the problem.
I am still figuring it out myself.
I am still learning how to maintain friendships.
I am still learning how to let friendships go.
I am still learning how to make new friends.
And I am still learning how to balance being a friend with being a person who has responsibilities, ambitions, work, creative projects, exhaustion, and a life of my own.
But I do know one thing.
I do not want to give up on friendship.
Even after losing people.
Even after friendships have ended.
Even after being disappointed.
Even after realizing that some relationships I thought would last did not.
I still believe people are worth knowing.
I still believe connection is worth pursuing.
And I still believe that somewhere out there are people I have not met yet who will become important parts of my life.
Maybe that is the thing about getting older.
You lose people.
You gain people.
You change.
They change.
Some people leave.
Some people stay.
And through all of it, you keep moving forward.
Hopefully, you keep your heart open enough to let new people in.
Because friendship may be harder when you are an adult.
It may require more effort.
It may require more patience.
It may require more planning.
It may sometimes feel like trying to schedule a damn meeting at work just to get coffee with somebody.
But when you find the right people, I think it is still worth it.
Even when life is busy.
Even when everyone is tired.
Even when maintaining the friendship takes work.
Because at the end of the day, none of us were really meant to go through this entire thing alone.
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